Leaving College (On the Funny Side)
This is not my original work. As much as I wish it was.
Leaving college is depressing: your friends move away, you have to support yourself, and you begin to regret that Phi Omega brand you have yourself junior year. However, many recent grands make their depression worse by becoming incorrectly nostalgic. They remember themselves in college being way cooler then they actually were, and this leads to a false sense of loss. Don’t get caught in the trap-Consult the Truth Check below.
Truth Check
-She was the backup cheerleader, not the captain
-You weren’t on the intramural lacrosse team; you went to two practices.
-That goldfish was already dead when you swallowed it.
You never got a rash from not showering; it was a hereditary skin disease, and you still have it.
-Your freshman-year roommate wasn’t that big of a dick; he just didn’t share you enthusiasm for nightly King of Queens reruns.
-Actually, that fart may very well have been the smelliest thing ever.
-You didn’t win a French-fry eating contest. You just ate a lot of French Fries, and everyone clapped because it was so gross they didn’t know what else to do.
-You never wrestled a gorilla. It was an orangutan, and it beat you.
-Your chem final junior wasn’t the hardest thing of all time. You’re confusing it with being a slave in colonial America.
-You didn’t drink an entire keg of beer by yourself that night; it was whiskey-you fucking PARTY ANIMAL!!!!
-You did not keep the Ark of the Covenant out of Nazi hands. That was Indiana Jones
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